Photo by Scott Vandehey |
Here are 9 common manipulations that we may recognize as having been used on us. And which we may unknowingly (or habitually) be using on our kids.
1. Guilt:
“After all I’ve done for you; I can’t believe that you can’t help me.”
2. Whining: “If
you loved me, you would …”
3. Domination:
“Because I’m your father, that’s why!”
4. Comparison: “Your
sister could do this by the time she was your age!”
5. Intimidation: “Why
are you such a baby? You should be able to do this!”
6. Fear: “Look,
if you don’t do this now, you’ll never get another chance! Somebody else will
take your place. Opportunity only knocks
once!”
7. Disappointment: “We’re
counting on you to do this. Don’t disappoint us.”
8. Desire to Conform: “Come
on, everyone else is doing it.”
9. Sarcasm:
“No, I didn’t expect you to do your chores…the dog’ll do ‘em this week!”
How much better to ask questions [“Did you really
want to say that?” or “What do you think you should do?”], give choices
[“Do you want to do homework before or after dinner?], or offer assistance
[“Let me know if you need help with that.”].
Take a nice big breath and you’ll find it easier to have these options
as opportunities to LET your kid think and grow, rather than to MAKE him obey.
Off the guilt trip and onto the freedom train – or was
that the freedom brain? After all,
that’s what we want them to use!
Besides, it ultimately takes more of our energy to try to figure out how
to wield a manipulation [then another and another – since they’re seldom really
effective], than to breathe and let the child do the thinking for himself. It’s a win-win.