STICK IT IN YOUR EAR!

What goes into our ears colors our atmosphere.

There's a ground delay. At this point we've been stuck on the plane on the tarmac for 45 minutes. Some folks handle it well. Others, not so much. 

Photo by Kate Ter Haar

In the aisle is a short, irritated woman haranguing into her cell phone - complaining loudly to the unfortunate listener about "her" plight.  Intentionally… so we can all hear.

My seat mate is trying to read.  The man in front of me has inserted ear plugs to attempt to block the offensive regaling. Although I'm not negatively impacted or inconvenienced by the delay and am finding plenty to do in my seat, I realize that my ire is gradually rising.  A constant barrage of vented comments is taking a toll as our atmosphere is polluted by hostility.  I'm also becoming aware that it's not merely what she's saying; it's how she's saying it.  The flushed and angry face, loud and irritated voice, whining tone, even the irritated gesturing of  her stubby little hands were inviting all of us within earshot to join her ramped up sense of drama and upset…the dance of anger.

Hard to be around.  Difficult to know how to respond or what to do.  Frustrating.  Disempowering.  What a huge impact auditory input has on our experience as human beings!

Then a sad realization sweeps over me.  How similar this is to what some children are subjected to by parents, teachers, and care givers.  How awful it must be to be on the receiving end of adult rage.  And then we adults wonder why things aren’t going well in our homes/classrooms/scout troops.  Like it or not, we’re leading by example.  So where do we expect things to go and why are we surprised when everyone arrives on the same battlefield?   Then we file the complaints: that kid doesn’t respect me; he screams constantly; she whines all the time; they have terrible attitudes!  Apple – tree.

Happily at this moment I have the option to “ear bud” myself with some classical music. My breathing has deepened.  I’ve reclaimed my peace by shutting out the offending cacophony….too bad it’s not as easy for our kids.  BTW, are we wondering why so many of our youth are plugged in to devices? Chicken – egg?

Perhaps some BBY [Breathing Before Yelling] OR internal dialogue [“Will this matter in a day/week/month?”] OR selfless empathy with a touch of Golden Rule [“Do unto others as you would have done to you.”] would have defused the entire situation.

All is not lost.  Fortunately we always seem to be presented with another chance to “do better next time,” whether it’s on the tarmac, around the kitchen table, over the report card, in traffic, under the gun, or at our wits end!  As we develop the priceless gift of self control, we find (as if by magic) much less need to control those around us.